A night at the Sichuan Opera

As nights at the opera go, this was more tie-dye than black tie, a mix of old fashioned music hall acts and flamboyant but seriously underfunded snippets of traditional Chinese opera. Writing this, I feel I should really show more respect for one of those cultural must dos of Chengdu but I cannot tell a lie. It was a bit rubbish.

The audience in the theatre was mostly Chinese (this isn't some kind of watered-down montage of Chinese culture put together simply for the uninitiated European). And it started off well: a small orchestra of traditional Chinese musicians got us in the mood with a medley of typically discordant but strangely attractive music. Yes, I thought, aren't I being cultured, enjoying what I had feared might have been a bit of an ordeal for these untrained ears.

Even the first act was terrific. Garishly costumed, fabulously made-up operatic characters swept left and right across the stage, ceremoniously waving their swords and scimitars, tumbling theatrically and strutting victoriously as the good guys won out once again against the bad guys. Hey, what do you know, I like this!

Things went downhill from then on. A trio of women with unfeasibly long sleeves danced rather pleasantly. Another lady came on with a puppet on a long stick which she swished and swashed around with quite some skill, admittedly, but I was starting to force myself to enjoy the show.

A girl did a turn on a Chinese harp and a bloke did a turn on a keyboard. A couple acted out a, presumably iconic, sketch about a henpecked husband which was watchable but didn't quite reach the heights of 'vaguely amusing'. Then two more girls came on and juggled things. Things like bobbins. And plant pots. And coffee tables. In unison.

Now, that's not something you see every day.

The worst was saved till last. You know how someone will always throw the shadow of a bird onto the screen at the cinema with their hands? Well we had a guy who did this for a living. Trouble is, he wasn't really that good at it. So we had to sit through ten minutes of shaky dogs, wobbly cats, fuzzy eagles, deformed wolves and fornicating swans (don't ask...) to make it to the grand finale: a reprise of the first scene, a quick bit of ubiquitous Sichuan face changing and a last bow from the whole cast.

Phew, no encores.