Let me show you around

Can I show you my apartment? First impressions aren't too promising; it's a big old block of concrete flats basically. But make it past the dubious smells in the hallway and up one flight of stairs and, hey, second impressions aren't fantastic either!

Really, I can't complain. It's a very good sized apartment by either Chinese or British standards and a damn sight better than a lot of places I've lived in before.

The kitchen's a bit basic: two gas rings and a combi microwave that I've still got to get my head around. The most adventurous thing I've cooked in four weeks is a Pot Noodle (but, rest assured, they do a higher class Pot Noodle over here). One day I'll get round to cleaning the wok that came with the place, but so far I've not had an hour free to do so. And, while we can get a fabulous full meal - including beers - in the village for less than a quid each, wok cleaning is not high on my list of priorities right now.

There's hot and cold running water. In fact the cold never stops running but that's not really a problem. And I'll post a picture of my kitchen cockroach when I catch him (so far he's been a bit camera shy).

The living room and combined dining area is spacious and airy; I tell vistors that I brought the Sixties style furniture over from the UK but I didn't really.

The guest room cum study is attached to the bit where I dry laundry. This room will probably get shut down for the winter as there's no central heating in the place so I'll be conserving whatever heat I have in the main living area. No kidding, we'll be wearing our coats, hats and gloves in the classrooms come December and probably at home too.

Next, my bedroom, again without any heating beyond a bloody thick duvet...

And finally, to the bathroom which is kind of rudimentary. Extensive use is made of open pipework which means that all kinds of odours can efficiently be shared throughout the whole building. Everything you need is here, it's just a bit rough - not to say mouldy - around the edges. Still, now that the leak from upstairs has been fixed you no longer need to wear a baseball cap to take a pee. Which is nice.